Weight Loss Journey

I have been going to the gym more often since we joined the gym here. Tomorrow highlights a new journey in my continuing weigh loss journey. I have my first appointment with a personal trainer. So with that said, here is a little bit about my journey before this point.

It really started before I left for college, still living in Germany, that I started to want to be fitter. I rode my bike A LOT there and that summer before I left for college, I rode it most everyday and lost about 10 pounds. Once getting to college, and all that late night snacking and pretty much unhealthy lifestyle, I gained it all, plus more.

Christmas break my freshman year of college, I went on the Atkins diet. I had immediate results and come back from break about 20 pounds lighter, and tried to keep it up, but it was too expensive with me having to pay for it myself. I ended up gaining most of it back.

Summer break, I decided to do it again since I was living at home (mom paying for all my meat). That was also my first summer away from Joe and that motivated me more, I wanted to look good when I saw him again. I was very successful and probably lost 35+ pounds. I was at my smallest point since I could remember then, but going back to college, ruined it all. I couldn't afford to be on Atkins and with my school schedule, it was impossible, but I gained it back slowly through the next couple of years.

By the time I was pregnant with Alana, my senior year of college, I had gained it all back. I was at my heaviest then, which may have been part of why the pregnancy was so hard on me? We were so poor and eating whatever we could afford. I remember we would make like 5 bags of ramen and eat that between the two of us. Or Fazoili's for the dollar menu. Yuck. I didn't really gain anything in the end with Alana, but while I was pregnant with her, I gained somewhere around 60+ pounds in water weight, which made me HUGE. I can't believe my husband proposed during this part of my life! I guess maybe that is why he took so long ha ha ha. I vomit a little when I look back on those pictures.

Then I had Collin, still overweight when I got pregnant and probably gained about 15 pounds with him. My body was a disaster after having the two of them! My skin is ALL stretched out everywhere. Almost anywhere on my body you can pinch skin and pull it away. I have stretch marks up the wazoo and the radiate out from my belly button out. Needless to say, I was disgusted with myself.

After Collin was born, I had made up my mind that I had NO more excuses. No more kids were to come from having my tubes tied. I joined the YMCA and did my best to eat better. I lost about 10 pounds. Then Joe started traveling more, like ALL the time. It is amazing how much free time I have when he is gone. I make my life all about him, so when he is gone, there is a huge difference. My nights were no longer watching TV with him or going out to eat. It was me and the kids. I had no desire to take them out by myself! I had hours after the kids went to bed, so I started working out then.

On New Years Eve of 2009 going into 2010, I decide my new year resolution was to loose 50 pounds. I JUST made it by the next New Years and was unbelievably proud of myself. I did my work though. I bought that at home exercise program, Insanity, bought a Treadmill and was eating right, between South beach diet and just watching what I ate. So far this year, I have lost another 10 pounds and would like to reach my goal of losing another 20 more pounds. My goal for this year is to race in a half marathon. I have come to terms that I might not run all 13.1 miles, but will be satisfied to just have done it. I have been told there is one here, in San Antonio, in November. I am trying to prepare myself, but my longest run to date is 4.5 miles, so it is a work in progress. I have ran/walked about 10 miles.

Before I decided I wanted to become a runner, I thought people who ran were CrAzY! Why would you do that?? So much work and I had such a hard time breathing when I tried. I started with the interval training and worked my way up. I remember when it felt like torture to just run for just 5 mins! I still hate it sometimes ;) But if I can run outdoors (which I can't yet here) it feels so freeing and peaceful. I have come to have a fondness for it and feel good when I accomplish my personal goals. But I am only human, I have "taken breaks" from working out and eating right. Have gained a few pounds back here and there, but I think that is normal and healthy. I am not just trying to change my body, but my way of life.

So my ultimate goals are to be a healthy size and weight. I have been overweight for pretty much my whole life. I am satisfied with myself at this point, but I have deeper issues with my loose skin and outer appearance. I want to get down to my healthy weight and keep it off for awhile, to make sure I can, and potentially have some skin removal procedures in the future. I know, plastic surgery is vain, blah blah blah. But it is something I want for myself, not for anyone else. Well maybe a little for my hubby, too. I'm sure he won't complain if I look better ;) LoL

But for now, it is one day at a time.

3 months pregnant with Collin July 08

About 6 months after Collin was born Summer 09

Jan. 2011 50+ lbs off

A Fun and Busy Weekend!

On Friday, we met our new friends, Michelle and Lauren, at Sea World and the kids had a ball playing for several hours. They went through the water area, rode all the rides, went to the play ground and had lunch there. The kids were SO worn out, they fell asleep in the stroller on the way to the car :)

Saturday, we woke up and I cleaned up some things around the house...blah. Then we went to lunch with a family from Joe's work who just moved here a day or two ago! They have 3 boys (bless her heart, I probably would have shot myself in the foot by now). Ages 7, 5 and almost 1. Since we were out eating, it was more of a meet and greet for us parents, rather than the kids playing with each other. It was a nice time tho. I look forward to seeing them again soon. The mom is young, like me, so it is nice to have that in common.

That afternoon, I was invited to go to a baby shower for one of the girls in Joe's office. It was nice to get out without the kids for some grown up time, even though all we did was talk about our kids :) It was nice to meet the other wives and women that I never really did get to meet in Joe's old job, since they seemed to mostly be young, single men. I loved the house, where it was hosted! Oh what money can buy you out here :) The couple that hosted, lived in D.C. (Haymarket area) and had a townhouse they sold and were able to move here and buy this GORGEOUS and HUGE house in Helotes. It was just a beautiful house, which would probably cost you 1.5-2 million back in D.C.! They probably only paid $400-500,000 here for it. Needless to say, I really liked the house and everyone I meet.

That night Joe and I had fun grilling and drinking some Mexican beer together, which is odd since we both don't care for beer :) We are thinking it is kinda like coffee...an acquired taste that you work on. I have to say, it has been tasting alot better :) After, we went to Best Buy and got an Ipad. Finally caved in. You will laugh at the reason why...Joe is leaving for a few days of training and HBO go that we are using from family won't work on my old generation Ipod touch, but works on his Iphone, so I need the Ipad so I can watch True Blood starting tonight (Sunday)! ha ha ha, I love that show! So there ya go, you can see why it was so essential now, right? We stopped for ice cream on the way home at McDonald's.

Sunday, we met up with Sabrina and Troy and their two sons. We meet them through some of our good friends back Virginia. They took us down to Market Square (historical area) to do a little shopping and had brunch at Mi Tierra's. It was really good, I LOVED their flour tortillas! I should have grabbed something out of the bakery for dessert on the way home. Everything looked really tasty. They have alot of little vendors and sellers all around that area, selling traditional Mexican stuff. Collin got a ball you can connect to your wrist and the ball has a bungee cord attached so it comes back to you. Perfect for him! Alana got a very pretty pink seashell necklace to match her outfit. I wanted to get a cowgirl hat, but resisted the urge for now. They are such a nice family and laid back and that makes hanging out with them enjoyable for us :) It feels like we have known them forever and this was only our second time meeting up!

We had to leave sooner than I personally wanted to because the kids were pretty darn cranky and we didn't bring a stroller. Also, we had to get Joe home because he is leaving for a few days to go up to Dallas, for some training. It has been so long since he has traveled, it is kind of weird. It will kick in tonight when I am bored and lonely :) I better get use to it fast, because there is no end in sight for him to stop traveling.

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I know we did!

Potty Training Mayhem

I can't say I have been trying REALLY hard to potty train Collin, but he took an interest and I just went with it. He started before we left Virginia. One day, he said he wanted to go potty on the potty, we took off his diaper and he went. A few days later, I decided to let him try it again. We left his diaper off while we were at home and he ran to the potty to go almost every time, with very few accidents. I was impressed! I thought to myself, he is going to be SO much easier than his sister, who had accidents for over 6 months and then when she turned 3, she magically was potty trained.

If I keep a diaper off of him, he goes in the potty. We tried putting big boy pants on him, but he pees in them. He only has gone #2 a couple of times, he usually waits until I put a diaper on him, that little snook. He loves to pee outside. This also started in Virginia. He would stick is stuff over the deck and pee out to the lawn which was a story below. Well, he has kept this same habit here, but standing on the concrete slab we have outback and peeing into the yard. He seems to really enjoy it, but it drives me crazy. He won't pee standing up inside, he likes to climb onto the potty like some kind of spider monkey. It looks really uncomfortable, but whatever works, right? I just don't get why he can pee upright outside, but not inside?

Well this brings me to today. Ugh. A couple of times now, he has peed into containers, like his lego bucket after he dumps everything out. Today, he took his chocolate milk (unbeknownst to me) upstairs where no food or drink is allowed on the carpet. He usually comes back down stairs to go potty, even though we have one up there? Today, he decided to open his sippy, dump the whole glass of chocolate milk all over the carpet, and then proceeded to pee into his sippy cup. Alana then calls me up to scene and I get up there, he is holding his sippy cup, with the pee, so proud and smiling to hand it to me. Behind him, he has hidden the chocolate milk mess by covering it up with a big tractor toy! So he knew the chocolate milk part was wrong, but thought he was being good peeing into the cup, rather than on the carpet.

All I can say, it was disgusting and not all that surprising. I reminded him, no drinks upstairs and he needs to go potty ONLY on the potty. He such a boy in his mannerisms and thought processes. Alana may have been hard to potty train, but at least she wasn't so gross about it.

 I think it is time I start working a little bit harder with Collin and looking forward to putting these days past me!

New Friends

I am one of those people who has to have friends. I like friends for their emotional support, when you need them and I also like to be  the supporter, when needed. Friends are a good social outlet for not only me, but also for the kids. I am a true believer that having friends makes you more active and happier, as long as you choose the right friends!

One thing that I hate about moving is finding new friends. I am a shy person, but I am able to overcome it, when needed. Since my husband isn't the biggest talker in the world, and I am, I need an outlet to get my chatting out of my system :) My hubby also travels alot for his job, so I need someone to hang out with and do things with, especially when he is gone.

I don't need alot of friends, but I do need good friends. I like someone who I can really connect with. When you meet someone like this, you don't feel awkward or run out of things to talk about. I care about all my friends and stay in touch with them for decades if we have meaningful relationship. Since I do have such involved relationships, I really only have a handful of friends from each period of my life. I don't think quantity is more valuable than quality. If I were to have more than a handful of quality friends, I feel like I wouldn't have enough time to be a good friend.

I signed up for Meetup.com where you can meet other groups of people in your area. A mom I met once had to me about this a long time ago. I met my last good friends in VA, via a mom's website, so I have a good history of meeting people this way.

Anyway, I saw they were suppose to be meeting at the outdoor mall down the street from me today, but not alot of people were signed up to go, but I signed up anyway and was excited to go!  We got there right on time, but Alana had to go to the bathroom, so we were a little late. I only new what the organizer looked like and we wait for over half an hour. I was looking for her and trying to seem approachable, incase there were other people who were from this meetup group. Nothing.

So I just started to talk to the moms  there :) First mom was nice, but her son was pretty young and not a good match for my kids. The second mom I met had a cute little girl, Lauren, who is a month older than Collin! Perfect. We got to talking and she also just moved to the area. They are still living in a hotel, closing on a house soon. They just moved from MD so that was surprising, too. They are former military, now working for the government. The mom, is actually from this area, but moved 7 years ago to be with her current husband, so she has some family around. She said she has friends, but none of them have young kids. Anyone who has young kids, knows how hard it is to have friends without kids their own age.

We then all decided to go to lunch together and talk some more. The kids had fun playing together and we had a nice time chatting. All of them were getting tired and needed naps, so we exchanged numbers so we can get together later this week. She also has a season pass to Sea World, so we plan to meet and take the kids to the water park.

 I am very excited to have my first new mommy friend in San Antonio!

Happy Father's Day and Birthday for Joe :)

Today is not only Father's Day, but also Joe's birthday!

He let me sleep in :) Thanks, hunny! I love to sleep and I have been out of it this weekend due to some meds I was taking for a darn wasp sting that got me good on my face! Finally, today I am feeling a bit better and didn't have to take the medicine.

Pretty soon after I woke up, Alana was screaming for me in the bathroom. I went up to see what the matter was and she said it hurt her to pee. She was crying and seemed really in pain. When I was younger, I use to get ALOT of bladder infections and that was first thing that popped to mind. We both got ready, ate some breakfast and I took her over to Urgent Care. As soon as we got there, she had to go potty again. I tried to ask her to hold it, but she couldn't. I knew they would need a urine sample from her, but what could I do? She had to go. So we came out and call us back and they ask, i'm sure you guessed it, a urine sample. She downed a glass of water and pretty soon after she had to go.

Ha, getting a urine sample from a four year old is pretty gross! But a mommy does what a mommy needs to do. We got it and the doctor came in shortly after. She said everything looked clear, but she would send it away to be cultivated to see if anything grows, but for now, we do nothing. Eh, better safe than sorry is always my motto. She hasn't complained again since.

So we go the grocery store to pick up the usual, milk. My family drinks an extraordinary about of milk.  I should honestly consider buying a cow or two. We also picked out daddy a cake, which mommy messed up when we got to the car (CRAP!). Of course, I'm sure Joe will not let me live that one down :) We get home make some lunch and head out to Sea World.

Collin has been potty training, but I haven't trusted him to go out without a diaper yet. Today seemed like a good day to try since he was wearing his bathing suit and we planned to be in the water some. I am so proud of my little man! No accidents and he went potty with daddy while at the park! So proud. We had alot of fun in the lazy river, kids pool and the Bay of Play area. We all have alot of fun there. I wish family lived close so we could all meet up there. It is just plain ole fun for the whole family. We went and saw a 4d show and stopped on the way out for a rice crispie treat, a family favorite. We still haven't seen the whole park and that was our third time! Anyway, I was very proud of Collin for doing such a good job today. He was pretty well behaved and was being a good big boy. They fell asleep on the way home, of course.

Well I am about to fire up the grill for dinner...on the menu: cilantro lime chicken, corn on the cob and some honey butter rolls with a tomato/mozzarella salad. Yum! Followed by the messed up birthday cake :) It's the thought that counts, right?

Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's and Happy Birthday to my AmAzInG husband, Joe. I love you, even tho I didn't get you any presents to open ;)

Sea World!

Oh yes, you know we had to get a season pass to Sea World!

Alana wanted to go for her Birthday, but we ended up going on the Sunday after. I should probably tell you about her birthday, too. We took her down to the Rainforest Cafe on the Riverwalk. Where we parked before was full and we had to go find a parking garage. It ended up being pretty far down the walk and the river walkway is so narrow, you can really have a stroller on it, especially not my big double jogger. That meant walking for my lazy kids, which means alot of carrying for mommy and daddy. Oh yeah, carrying my whiny Collin in 100+ degree weather with heels. Fun, NOT! I can't say I like him walking either...that water made me pretty darn nervous and he is going through a phase where he won't hold my hand anymore.

We got to the restaurant (finally) and I had made reservations earlier in the day, but I think we would have been fine without them. It was kind of a weird building, very small inside and cramped feeling. If you are claustrophobic, it is not the place for you. We all got some "special" drinks, alcoholic for Joe and I! They came in cups that had lights on the bottom and you take them home. Kids got blue icee drinks with a frog on the top. You don't want to know how much that cost. Food was mediocre, obviously you aren't there for the food :) Then we made our trek back through the heat to get to the car. It was a warm fuzzy feeling when we got to our parking garage and some kid was being arrested. Our car was hot, but fine.

We went home and had Alana's Hello Kitty cupcake cake that she picked out. Then opened her presents. I have had these presents for her since Black Friday or before! Nice to finally give them to her :) She got a whole set of almost all the Disney princesses and a Tinker Bell tea party set. She was sent some boy prince dolls and a groom from great grandma, too! She says she needs more of the prince's to go with the princesses (to those who may need to get her a gift in the future). She now has Prince Eric for Ariel, Prince Charming for Cinderella and a Groom for wedding bride barbie. Overall she seemed pretty satisfied with her birthday celebrations.

Okay, back to Sea World! We bought our season passes from the kiosk machines and headed in. It was a HOT one. We put on our sunscreen and head to the wholly grail of all rides, (to Alana at least) Shamu roller coaster! A boy at one of the hotels we were staying at told her about this awesome roller coaster, and she was dead set on riding it! I wasn't sure if Collin was going to like it, but he was ready. We all went on it and they had a blast. When it came time to get off, Collin kicked and scream his way down the walkway because he wanted to ride it again. I told him maybe later, but he wasn't buying it. We then tried to ride the carousal, but it wasn't working right. Joe went off with Collin to climb the ropes course and I went with Alana and we did the ropes course together. She was a little hesitant because she thought she would fall through, but got over that pretty quickly. We saw from the top that there were some Sesame Street characters down below and made our way down.

Oh man, she loved them! She gave them hugs and was just smiling and giggling. It was so darn cute! We saw they were having a show soon and tried to find Collin and daddy, but Collin was having too much fun playing in the water. Alana and I went back and took a seat. They invited all the kids to come up and stand at the base of the stage. I didn't think she'd really go without me, but she did after I told her I'd wait right there for her. All the characters came out and she was in awe. She ate it up and was loving every moment of it. Abby Cadaby came and gave her a huge and she was practically glowing with delight! We went and found Collin and daddy and we all played in the water to cool off. By this point, Collin is exhausted and getting a little cranky. We went to get some drinks and try to find a show to watch. We saw a little bit of the boat with jet skiers show from the side and then head to the dolphin and beluga whale show. The show was fantastic with swimmers and birds, dolphins and the whales! Alana loved it and Collin enjoyed parts, but he was hot and over tired.

After that, we walked around to get Collin to sleep in the stroller. It didn't take long! He was out and we went into the penguin exhibit and saw most of the park. We went to some building and they told us they were bringing out a baby alligator that we could pet and hold! So we waited and Alana and Joe held the little alligator. Alana was now pooped out by this time. She fell asleep in the stroller and we made our way back to the car.

They have a waterpark area that we didn't even see or get to! We plan to go there tomorrow for Joe's b-day. We went back on Thursday night after we had dinner and just saw Shamu Rocks show. That was kinda cool to just drop in and catch a show. The kids loved it and I have to say it was quite impressive. I forgot how big Killer whales are! I did notice how the trainers no longer swim with the Killer whales and assume it is because of that accident Sea World had a few years back. That is too bad. I can't wait to go back when someone can watch the kids while Joe and I go on the BIG roller coasters! I'm sure we will have plenty more adventures there this summer.

Our move from Ashburn, VA to San Antonio, TX

We have been in the process of applying for this new job Joe took for over a year! It takes time to get through all of the interview processes, etc when you are outside of the country most of the time, like Joe has been for the past couple of years. But here we are, finally moving!

We were really excited for this move. Me, being a military child, was SO ready to move after being in VA for 3.5 years :) The cost of living is just so high there and unless I am actually living IN the city, I don't think I care too much to be in the heavily populated areas outside of the city. I have never lived inner city anywhere, but I think I would like it for a short period of time.

The not so fun part of moving is getting ready for the move :( I got rid of a ton of toys and clothes (most donated). It was quite an ordeal, but it was well worth it. I tried to keep Alana and Collin out of what I was getting rid of, which was easier than I thought it would be. They have so much stuff, I don't think they even noticed, to be honest. I wish I had more patience for Craigslist, but I did sell some things, like our toddler bed, couch, etc. But it seemed people were more flaky than usual, when I was trying to arrange pick ups! Drives me nuts when someone says they are coming and NEVER show.

We moved out of our house, and moved in with our good friends, the Lowes. They are like family and are so grateful to them for so much! The Pearsall's were our other family in VA, and are grateful for all their help while moving too! I can't imagine my life being very enjoyable while living there without both of their families. Cheers, you guys are the best!

That week at the Lowes, went fast during the day, but painfully slow at night! I can tell  you why in one word-Collin. Oh, Collin. We made him this way, so I shouldn't complain! He likes his own space, with peace and quite and no interruptions. I started from a very young age, for him to sleep by himself, in his room and nobody to bother him. I love this in the sense, he doesn't sleep in mommy and daddy's bed, unlike his sister who always wants to sleep with us. This makes not having a separate bed for Collin, hard. First night, Joe and I took the bedroom and had the kids sleep in the living room as a "slumber party". Yeah, didn't work for Collin, at all. Second night we give Collin the bedroom, works a little better but glass windows are the doors to the room because I think it was originally intended to be an office/study. That meant Joe and I were on the blow up bed. Ugh, not good sleeping. Third night we learned the trick. Collin in the bedroom with a blanket over the doors, Joe on the couch, and Alana and I in the blow up bed. It wasn't the best sleep I ever had, but at least I got some sleep!

It was now time to leave Virginia. Bitter sweet moment. So glad to be going on another adventure somewhere, but so sad to leave our good friends. We had a little going away party the night before with all our good friends who could make it. It was so nice to have one last -wine filled- party. Hazel and Risa  were both there to see my off. I cried after I left while we were heading to Virginia beach :( I miss you guys!

We head to Virginia beach for our first stop along our way to Texas. We go here because my stepdad, David, is retiring from the Marine Corps. We stay for 5 days and my younger siblings, mom, and grandparents are gatherd to bid him farewell from the Marines. It was a very nice and touching ceremony, where we were given a certificate of  appreciation for our sacrifices we endured while he was in. Also, we were given a bouquet of flowers as a token of gratitude. After, we had pizza and beer with most who attended the ceremony. It was simple, but nice.

We spent the next several days playing on the beach, going out to dinner and spending time with family. It was a good summer vacation for us and some good quality family time. Then, it was off to our next destination.

We had planned only to do the required 300 miles per day. Needless to say, this did not happen and one of a couple of reason why I made my husband tow my car, instead of driving two. We went over 500 miles the first day and stopped about 200 miles or less outside of Nashville, TN. It was actually a pretty good night. The hotel we stayed at had a pool, so we took the kids down to get all tuckered out, and it worked. They both went to sleep together on the pull out bed in the room, pretty easily. In the morning, we headed to Nashville where were went to go see the Grand Ole Opry.

When going to the Grand Ole Opry, there is a huge mall outside of it and a construction crew all around it. I couldn't figure out what was going on. It looked pretty new but not open? I couldn't figure it out, but we head to the parking area to see what we came for. Man, it was pretty hot out! The sounds of casadas filled the air. You could hear them in the woods along the side of the highway when driving, that is how load they were! We saw plenty of dead carcasses on our walk to the building, yuck. We went and bought our tickets and walked right in-perfect timing! They had us watch a video that told us about the big flooding they had and had to restore everything in building. So that was what happened to that mall. It was all flooded out with over 4ft of water at one point, I think they said. The mall hadn't been cleaned up and fixed, unlike the Grand Ole Opry. We took the tour and it was alot of fun to see all the behind the scenes. Alana was really excited and thought we were going to see a performance on the stage. I wish we could have! I hope to go back one day and go to a show, that would be alot of fun.

I wanted to stay and explore Nashville more, but Joe wanted to get on the road and keep heading west. I didn't really want to, but oh well. The kids were pretty cranky after the tour and needed a nap. We weren't sure how far we were going to go and I was nervous because their were tornado warning all around us! We were headed to Memphis, right were tornados were on the verge. Great idea, right?

We make it to memphis with little trouble, but the warnings were getting severe and I was freaking out. It was dark and ominous out. We stopped at a hotel that was about 30 miles east of Memphis. The hotel told us when we checked in that they were expecting some weather and they would call our room if we needed to take shelter in the laundry room. Can we say, I was nervous! So we go get settled in our room and the heavy rain starts. Joe is having a ball, he loves this weather! I take a shower and give the kids a bath and Joe has his head out the window. He says, come here a minute...I walk over. He says, look at that rotating cloud above us. WHAT?! Then the tornado siren goes off in the distance. My heart skips and beat and I start yelling at Joe that we should have stayed Nashville like I wanted because I didn't want to die! I gather up the kids and freaking out while Joe is cool as a cucumber, taking his time. I think he is trying to make me mad! We head downstairs and there are bunch of people down there, but don't seem to be freaking out? What the hell? Joe goes outside to look and is gone for a few minutes, I'm yelling at the kids not to be near doors or windows. I seem to be one of the few people scared and upset. We order some food across the street and have dinner in the lobby. I guess everything was fine and dandy. We eventually went back up to our room and watched the News. Joe was pissed because they were on the channel American Idol was on and it was finale night, where Scotty won.

I stayed up for awhile watching being scared until most of it all blew past. Man I was pretty worked up. But nothing happen to us that night, thankfully. In the morning we packed up and headed to Graceland, Elvis's home. I can't say it was what I was expecting, even though I didn't have any real expectations. It was pretty cool to see. Kids weren't too interested, surprise surprise :) Collin kicked and screamed and ran through most of the house. Joe was hoping he'd run upstairs so he could go after him and see the upstairs. Alana was pretty good, but they were bored even though we got them earphones to listen to the commentary. We went and looked through the planes which was okay, but they both liked the cars. Alana really like the purple car and Collin went and tried to ride on his big John Deer tractor, almost getting us in trouble by crossing the ropes! Can't take your eye off that kid for a second, I tell you! I liked the pink cadi. Alana refers to his house now as "That dead guy's house".

We went to the gift shop and Alana got a teddy bear with a pink vest and Collin got a posable Elvis action figure (purposely didn't say a doll). Joe and I got a pin to add to our collection we sometimes remember we are collecting ;) We had some lunch and off we went to get back on the road. I wasn't looking forwards to the long drive to Dallas, Texas and was trying to get Joe to stop, but to no avail. He just wanted to get there. I slept as much as I could and the kids did too. I remember Texarkana, because they had a Texas Road house and that sounded pretty good, but we didn't stop until 30 miles later at a Whataburger. We ate at Whataburger 3x in the first two days in the state of Texas :)

Just outside of Dallas there was a pretty cool looking lake with alot of boats and hotels along the edges. Looks like it could be alot of fun and wouldn't mind possibly exploring that one day. We finally made it to our hotel that night and had a view of Six flags over Texas. We never did go there, but the kids enjoyed seeing the roller coasters from our room. The next day, we went to the Fort Worth Zoo. It was pretty cool Zoo! It was big and it was hot out, but we rented a stroller there so the kids could be comfortable. Alana's favorite things were the tank where you could pet a starfish and the big cats. Collin liked all the turtles. Joe liked the weird looking prehistoric alligator or crocodiles. They were pretty strange looking! I thought it was pretty cool when this baby monkey was by the window of the exhibit and was interacting with the kids! It was a great time at the zoo.

That night, we met up with some old college friends, Amanda and Wyatt at Babes Chicken. Yummy that was a really tasty meal! It was nice to catch up and find out what was going on each others lives! We plan to seem them soon, later this summer. We saw the Cowboy stadium that day as well, man that thing is massive! A baseball game was going on that night, so it was pretty crowded over in that area. Pa and Mary got in late that night and we talk to them for a little while before we all went to bed.

In the morning we went to breakfast at IHOP (crowded) and then went back to the hotel to swim in the pool. Kids love the pool and so does Pa! We always go in a pool whenever Pa is around, it seems :) Then we had a little Dora cake for Alana's birthday and she got to open some presents they brought for her and Collin before heading over to Pa's friends house for a memorial day, weekend party. He had a professional grade margarita machine that was GREAT and alot of good food. Pa, Mary and the kids went swimming while Joe and I watch and drank from the side. They kids had so much fun swimming. They were so tired that we had dinner and then packed them up for the rest of our drive to San Antonio.

We spent our first night in San Antonio near the airport. It was pretty late by the time we got in and Collin had a little heat rash on his neck and a low fever. We got them all ready for bed and some medicine for Collin and we all conked out. We checked out and found another hotel closer to our new house, at The Rim, and spent the next three days there. While waiting to get the keys to our house, we went furniture shopping and got Joe and I a new Queen size bed with a nice poster bed frame that is finally coming today! Almost 3 weeks later. We have been sleeping in our old bed, which is now going to be the guest bedroom.

When we finally got our new keys to the house, it was bigger than we remembered! That is always a good thing. We only looked at the house for probably 10 mins before we signed the papers that we would take it! Glad we did too, because it exactly where we want to be! Great locations, spacious enough for us and not too big where we can't handle all the upkeep. It is a 4 bedroom Single Family house, two car garage, large fenced in back yard with a built in dog run on one side of the house. That day, we also got our new addition to the family, Belle! She is a rescue dog and only a year old. She is some kind of german shepard/husky mix but is only 26lbs. She is healthy and we love her!

We had a long move down here, but we had alot of fun along the way as a family. The kids were so good all the way down and didn't start their grumpy adjustment period until we got into our new house. They are transitioning well now, and like their new enviroment. We joined a gym where they have a really cool play area with a big huge jungle gym, basketball court and Mac computers with kids games. They love going and it is a good time for me to get a break! We all miss our friends from VA, but we hope we can see them soon. ALL OF THEM :) So come on down to Texas VA friends and when we come up there again, I will be sure to let you know! Yee Haw, we are Texans!

Story of how Collin came to be!

Oh, our sweet, cuddly Colli-wolli. I surely can't imagine our life without him! He is such a whiny mama's boy, so yes, he is just a boy ;)

Collin, unlike Alana, was somewhat planned. We were thinking about having another one, but I was really thinking Alana should be 1 first. She was 10 months when I became pregnant with Collin. I blame it partly on hormones (baby crazy hormones) and those darn shows about Bringing Home Baby and  A Baby Story, which I watched pretty much everyday! (I have now banned myself from watching them)

I was really excited to be having another baby. Joe and I were in VA by this point and making our life together, as a family. He had a good job, we had a home and things were going pretty good for us. Money was still tight, but we were doing pretty good for our situation.

I felt sick constantly with him. Morning sickness ALL DAY LONG. At least with Alana, it was just the morning. My friend Risa was pregnant a couple of months before me and we were excited to be pregnant together. Unfortunately, she had complications and lost her son, Marcus, midway. I felt miserable for her and kind of guilty that my son was still thriving and healthy. She wouldn't have wished ill on anyone, but I still just felt bad. I was excited about Collin, but felt so bad for her. She was great though. I know it was, and probably still is hard for her, but she has been nothing but 100% supportive of my whole family. I am happy to say, she did try again and has a handsome little boy named Ryan!

With money being tight, Joe put his name on a list to be send overseas to make a little extra cash on the job. We needed and wanted the money, so he was all ready to go. Only problem was, I was 6+ months pregnant and living in VA near NO family and didn't want to have to completely rely on friends (not fair to them). So I went home to NM to be with my mom so we could make sure I wasn't going to get Preclampsia-again. I was just going to go for a couple of weeks and if everything went fine and normal I would fly back to VA with Alana and daddy would be home right before I would be induced, Dec. 30 I think it was.

Well that didn't happen. Sure enough, I hit 21 weeks and my BP went up. Guess I wasn't going back to VA after all. I went to the doctors once a week and my BP was always elevated. Knowing my history of my last pregnancy and being there, they were not taking chances. Once I said I saw spots, they sent me to labor and delivery and set me up for an ambulance to take me back to El Paso, TX. I thought I was having Collin that next morning. But, my doc from Alana, Dr. Harlass, came in and told me he wasn't going to take him out yet. He sent me to post-pardum to lay low for a few days and see what my BP did. It went down. I was released and sent back home. Next week, I go into my doc there at my moms, BP high, sends me back and Harlass says he will take over from here and I only go visit him down in El Paso, where we have to drive 1.5 hours :/ next 6 weeks, I go down for my appt. BP is high, he keeps me for a couple of days to get it down and releases me. I'm going nuts! Bored and miss Alana and daddy and so much driving back an fourth, but what choice did I have? I didn't want another tiny baby who may or may not survive! So my family and I  did it.

At 34 weeks 6days, I go for my appt with Dr. Harlass and he says okay, enough games, I want him out of you before one of these times you make this drive down and the baby is no longer alive. I say "Okay, I don't want that TAKE HIM OUT THEN!" Daddy still isn't home though. I had very mixed feelings, but I didn't want anything to happen to my Collin. So I spend the night there and the next morning I am scheduled to have Collin!

Wow, that was a tough night in the hospital! I was alone because my family was watching Alana to keep her content and safe while I was in the hospital. It was what I wanted. I have NO idea what I would have done if I was not home and could rely on them. I know my friends in VA would have done as much as humanly possible, but I would have felt so guilty. I can't thank my mom and family enough for all the help they have given us with bringing out little angels into the world. I remember talking to Joe, he only had 11 more days overseas, I was sad he was going to miss the birth of his son and I knew this was a possibility, but I was sad he wasn't there physically for me either. I called some of my best friends and had them keep me company that night. You know who you are, and I love you guys too! I was really nervous, but they told me he was at least 5.5lbs and should be a healthy boy as far as they could tell. I thought, hey, I might get to hold my baby after he is born! That was a warm thought for me since I didn't see Alana for a couple of days after she was born and didn't hold her for a couple of weeks!

So it is the morning of delivery and my mom and step dad came to support me! I thought they would both be in the delivery OR, but they only let my mom in. My BP was, 198/180 or so. Too high. Epidural went fine, everything went smoothly, until they took Collin out. It took awhile for him to cry. NICU was there just incase with my history and the fact he was only 35 weeks. He was 6lbs 2oz, so he was a healthy size, but he was having respiratory distress. They put him in an isolete to hurry him to NICU, but  stopped for a moment in front of me so I could see my baby boy. That meant alot to me even though I really wanted to hold him!

They put tubes down his throat to help him breathe and had him all hooked up by the time I could see him, late that night. I was so heart broken that another one of my children had to be like this, helpless, without their mama and not being abled to be cuddled. I always felt so sick in NICU with both of them. I was so thankfully they were alive, but had the saddest feeling in the world that they had to be there because my body wouldn't keep them until term. He did good though, he was just put on oxygen two days later and then weaned off slowly. When daddy got home, 10 days later, Collin was released and he was a healthy and happy little boy! That was a great moment and so thankful he recovered so fast.

Once I had found out I had preclampsia again, Joe and I discussed and strongly urged by my Dr. to get my tubes tied. Normally, being as young as I am, it is not encouraged, but my chances of having complications again are about 99% likely. I don't know if my body could handle another pregnancy, I don't know if I could mentally handle another. So we made the hard decision to have them tied. I want more kids, but it must not be meant to be. I have so much to be thankful for. A daughter and son who have overcome so much in their little lives and for them to be perfecting healthy and normal now is truly a miracle and I feel so blessed.

Old piece I wrote for fun.

This is something I wrote over a year ago when I was bored and my husband was gone on business. I thought I would share it. I think I have grown alot since writing this, but it has some good points, I think.

The connection between husband and wife, at least for me, is something that is hard to describe. When you are young, you love people and hate people and you just kind of exist in your own world that is ALL about you. What you want, when you want or need it and you may make changes for good friends or family, but it is mainly all on you.

When I truly fell in love, nothing compared to it. The deep emotional and physically connection was a compelling force. It honestly felt like torture to be separated. To this day, it physically hurts to be separated, most of the time ;)

With him, I can feel like I hate him one second, but it never lasts and I can't hold a grudge like with friends or family. Even though I am so mad at him, I still love him with all that I am. He is my best friend and my lover and nobody could ever replace him or can compare to him in my life. He understands me, even when he tries his hardest not to, he knows what I need and want, even if he doesn't consciously acknowledge it. I know this to be true in how we interact and the little things he does.

With the passing of his mother recently, a lot of emotions and thoughts have been running high in me. Speaking of her death still feels taboo. I see what a hard time his father is having and I don’t think I could survive in similar circumstances. When I think about not having my husband in my life, I feel like part of me dies. I can’t even imagine trying to raise my two children by myself or trying to support us all by myself. I assume, I would arise to the challenge, but it would be a very painful process and would take years to be restored to some of my former self. I’m pretty sure his dad feels completely empty and worthless and I don’t think there is anything we can really do to help because even though a lot of us were very close to Cindy, we will never truly understand his husband and wife connection. I assume our connections between husband and wife differ from relationships and couples. I believe the connection only gains strength over the years you are together.

I have not had to deal with infidelity and truly pray I never will, but I think it is also part of our human nature. I’m not blind to it and know it happens more than not. I think part of the reason infidelity happens is lack of self-control. We all are in control of ourselves and our actions. The chances of a situation arising to cheat is likely, but I feel if you think about your bond as husband and wife and how truly special that is to you, you won’t be easily swayed. On the other hand, I am a pessimist and will always question my husband’s loyalty. Do I trust him, yes, but I also am not naïve to the fact that anything can happen. I think this is not all negative, I think since I don’t blindly trust, anyone for that matter, that it would make them think it would not be so easy to “pull one” on me.  The saying “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” is a good one and I have no plans on letting anyone fool me twice, nonetheless shame me. At this point in our relationship, I am confident my husband would not hurt me in this way and would not jeopardize our relationship. He is the most trustworthy person I have ever met and I trust my life in his hands.

With having kids, our relationship has taken on a whole new form. If anyone thinks kids don’t change your relationship, then you aren’t doing something right. As much as we would like our relationship to come first, do what we want and live in such a way, like when we were young, we can’t.  When they are tiny babies, you somewhat can, and we sure did try. We still went to the movies and out to dinner and went shopping at all hours of the night. We learned quickly, that not only was it probably not the best schedule for our baby, but it wasn’t for us either! It is hard trying to get things ready to go with an infant and so much lugging that sometimes, it really just isn’t worth it. It was not like before kids, where we could sleep until the late afternoon hours of the day after staying up all night watching movies. Someone had to wake up with the little one at night and in the morning and play with her all day. We both got burnt out real quick trying to live that lifestyle where everything was about us. We have come to more of a balance now between what we want to do and the schedule our kids need of us. We still go out shopping and to dinner, but we go at reasonable hours and work around nap schedules. If we don’t, not only do the kids misbehave, but our lives are miserable as well. We don’t go to movies anymore, unless we have a babysitter. We have had to make a lot of changes to our life, and I’m not saying they are bad; they are actually healthier lifestyle changes. It was just a big change and it took us some time to find out where our, husband and wife, relationship came in.

We are just getting to a point where we can really focus on our relationship again. Being a stay at home mom and him working, there isn’t a whole lot of time when we are home and not doing something for all of us or sleeping! We have learned to let the kids play on their own a little. We don’t have to be RIGHT there every second. They have toys and playrooms and we can go and watch some TV together while they sit on the floor playing with their toys/playing together. I have learned I have to make more of an effort to keep the house cleaner so when it is bed time for the kids, I don’t have to stay up and clean the house. I think we both have learned that it is important to go out on our own, a date night per say, whenever possible, which is maybe once a month? At least that is my goal. At first it was almost weird going out together without kids! It was strange not to have to do everything for them and actually get to eat my meal while it was still hot! After that initial shock, it was great to be alone with my husband and for us to just enjoy each other.

With the making of our family, we both decided it would be a good option for me to be a Stay at home mom (SAHM). It sounded great to me! Get to stay home all day and play with my kids and get to sleep in, etc. Only SAHM understand what it is like to be a SAHM. Yes, it is great in many respects and I wouldn’t want it any other way, most days. It is very taxing on us though; it is like we work around the clock. We do basically the same thing, day in and day out. We are usually limited to adult time and our lives become all about our kids. I feel like I have lost so many social skills and feel uncomfortable and have nothing in common with people who don’t have kids. It is hard to feel like your life is now defined as a mom and nothing else. You feel like part of you has died- your former self. I think most of us get stir crazy and look for adventure in one way or another. I think it is important that you either have a playgroup or have someone to talk with who has kids and that you can do things with. I can’t even begin to explain how that has made my life so much more enjoyable. Other SAHM are going through the same emotions that you are, and if their kids are similar ages, you are going through growing stages the same time and get good, practical advice. Having other moms and kids to interact also help you know your child is progressing properly. Your child also needs this social interaction, almost had much as you do! If I didn’t have other mommy friends, which I didn’t when we first moved to VA, I go nuts. My husband knows how much this means to me and I feel like he really supports this aspect of my life.

We will have been together, this February, for a total of 6 years. It is a long time when you think that we have been a couple since we were 18, but is still a short time when you think of how much time we have for the future. We have many more obstacles to overcome and I am sure we will grow together in some ways and will most likely grow apart in other ways. I believe one thing will always remain the same- the unconditional, constant love I have for my other half.

I'm New to Blogging!

So this is my VERY first blog! I have been thinking about doing this for awhile, but then I thought, Who would want to read my rantings and raves about my two little munchins? Well, you are reading this, so I guess you do! We are not close to family, so they would probably likes to read up on what is going on in the kids lives and I have some friends who showed interest, if I were to start. Here we are, my very first blog :)

Not exactly sure were to start, so I guess I will start by introducing myself and past/current situation. I met my husband, at Weber State University, in 2003, where we both graduated with bachelor's degrees in Criminal Justice. Our senior year, 2007, we were pregnant with Alana Marie Kowalski. She was a BIG surprise. Joe and I were planning a future together, but it was never set in stone until after we knew we had a baby on the way. I had always planned to be with Joe forever, from the very beginning, but he was dragging his feet a little. Granted, we were young! And not everyone on either side of our family were exactly sure we were meant for each other, but in the end it was our decision to make and so we are happily in love and will be married 4 years next month and have been in a relationship for 7 years.

I had alot going on in my life while pregnant with Alana. I was working full time and going to school full time. We only had one car and didn't live close to school or work (not walking distance), we didn't have enough money in general,  I was overweight, I was hiding my pregnancy from family, I was taking 22 credits to graduate, getting ready to move and to top it all off, our future just was very uncertain. I had a very rough pregnancy and it only was progressively worse.  I had bad morning sickness in the morning and just felt sleepy all the time. After graduation, we moved in with Joe's parents in IL for a month. I was going to see my doctor regularly, but was trying to find another in the IL area when I started to not feel quite right.

Nobody would take me as a new patient so far along in my pregnancy in IL. I was six months pregnant and no one wanted to see me. I had my next appt. scheduled in Utah because we were going back to finish up one last class mid-summer. I remember having alot of swelling in my legs and face and my BP was going up when I would check it on the monitors at Target. But knew you had swelling when you pregnant and just dismissed that looming feeling. We drove down to Florida for my inlaw's 25th wedding anniversary and I really started to think I was having a problem. My legs were so swollen I could barely bend them to get up and down and I was sleeping SO much and was always tired. I know I didn't feel right, but also knew you felt crappy when you are pregnant, so once again I chalked it up to being prego.

We drove to NM from FL to see my family on the way back up to Utah and my doctor appt. As soon as I walked in the door, my family was just staring at me and started asking questions. I was so swollen by this point, I didn't even look like the same person. My mom immediately took my BP and it was something crazy like 200/190. She had me lay down for 30 mins and take it again, when it didn't go down, she rushed me to the E.R.

I was sent directly to Labor and Delivery. They kept me over night and pumped drugs into me to try and get my BP down. First thing in morning, I was medi-vaced to El Paso, TX because they could not deal with preemies at that hospital. I was only 29 weeks gestation. I was very sick in the helicopter and I threw up and they gave me meds and I don't remember much, I was blacking out. I remember them moving me into the ambulance from the helicopter. Then I was in the hospital, and I was so out of it. Next thing I know, Joe and my mom were with me and they were sticking needles into me to get an IV going. They couldn't get one in. I was so swollen and when they did get a vein, it would burst and they would have to try again. I swear, they tried 100x to get a needle in before one of the 5-6 people trying, got one to stick. It felt like torture.

Next thing I know, I am in the OR being sliced open to take Alana out of me ASAP so I wouldn't die. I didn't have my contacts or glasses and couldn't see a damn thing other than Joe and my mom by my head. It was sheer minutes before she was out of me and I could hear her little cry. I wish I could have seen her, but they rushed her off to NICU and myself to ICU.

I will save our NICU adventures for another blog :)

Story of Collin's birth coming soon!