I have had quite the whirlwind of a ride with my husband so far in our life together. With our 4 year wedding anniversary coming up on Friday, I'm so happy to have him in my life (even if he hasn't been home so much in the past couple of years, or in the near future).
Growing up and having kids has completely altered our day to day lives, but our bond we built together before kids and how we work strengthening on that bond, is what keeps our love going, when we have little time to work on "us".
We both have changed alot in the last 4 years. We don't have all the same interests, like it seemed we did when we first got together. For instance, it almost dives me nuts to sit and watch TV when there is so much else to do or I could read a book, but he loves watching hours of TV. Funny thing is, I use to, too. He use to love to go shopping with me, but now it is a torturous event for both of us, if he goes. Granted, the kids do not make it fun either! It seems we have taken on our roles, as husband and wife, and conformed to what is expected of us in those respective roles. Was it because we wanted to? Or did we have to?
I think it is a little of both. I think we wanted to be thought of as a "normal" couple and there was also a need for us to change. For example, we were both SLOBS in college. Our house was always a mess and we both hated and refused to clean and do laundry. Well, having kids changed that in me. Granted, it was a gradual process, but now I have my own little system down and the point being, it gets DONE. Do I still hate it, you betcha! But I also hate when it is not done! So yes, I kinda wanted to change that and there was a need to change that habit as well! We have had alot of these type of experiences through the years. It has a lot to do with growing up (we were so young when we met) and also because of having children, a real job, responsibilities, etc.
I think one of the hardest things for both of us, is the lack together/quality time. We really like to do things together, like traveling, seeing movies, etc. but kids make all those things we really enjoy, really difficult. Do we still do most of it? Yes, but in the end it was only semi worth it, most of the time. We also have a lack of time in general, with what needs to be done and him working and traveling, there just isn't a whole lot of extra time.
I love doing outdoor stuff, but my kids are still to young to haul around up mountains on hikes, boating on lakes, and snowboarding trips in the winter. Could we do these things? Yes, but we have to carry kids, watch them likes hawks, and hear alot of complaining about "I want to go home". They are just too young for the activities we want to do. But in having kids, we knew this, I think we just didn't realize how much we would miss "me/us" time.
We both feel if we lived by family, who could watch the kids while we did some of these activities, we would be golden. But, as many families in this day and age, we are not close enough to family. The next step is a babysitter. But I have a hard time finding someone I want to leave my kids with and then on top of it, to spend that kind of money for someone to watch my kids! We are talking at least 3 hour events when we go out to dinner and a movie for a date night and an all day event if we go do something outdoors.
So what is the solution? Ha, good question. We try to put the kids to bed early enough so we can watch something other than kid shows. When he is home, I try to get as much attention as I can to fulfill my neediness. I never knew how needy I am emotionally, so we have a dumb system of I say "tell me" and he says "I love you". This is said more times than I like to admit, everyday. But it works. I want to hear it and he isn't going to remember to say it.
We love it when family comes in for visits, because that is usually when we get date nights! Pretty much every date night we get, we do the same thing. Dinner and a movie. This was our #1 pastime when we got together and still is! We love this because you have dinner, where you can talk about whatever is on our minds and then a movie, where we can snuggle and enjoy the closeness of being together, while watching the movie and don't really have to focus on anything else. It is our perfect date.
Mariage takes alot of compromise, it isn't always going to be about you or if you have kids, it is going to be about them. It takes a solid commitment, which I think alot of people don't understand what that means until you are in the midst of it. I think you should have a solid foundation of genuine love for each other before bringing kids into the world, because you rely on that when you are angry and frustrated with each other and don't have the time to work things out right away. You need to constantly work on that foundation by making time for each other and expressing your love for your partner, however that may be. I am guessing it is different for everyone.
I love my family with all my heart. My husband is my best friend, number one supporter and the one I aspire to make happy. To my kids, I try to be a good role model in every sense of the word, by making good decisions, having healthy relationships, teaching them to express their feelings and have acceptance of everyone. Although some days are more challenging than others, I wouldn't have done anything differently. We have had many stages: madly in love, content in love, the love of bringing our children into the world, now the love of raising our children together. No stage comes without its own set of issues and problems to work through, but I know what we have is special and always worth the fight.
7 years so far with my other half and 4 of those years, as of Friday, will be has a married couple. It seems like we have been together forever, but really it is just the beginning.
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