News. Good or Bad?

While Joe is on TDY, I usually make an effort to ditch all sources of news, especially overseas news! But this morning, I decided to sneak a peek...

Bad idea. Something is always going on over there, Americans dying in suicide bomber attacks, planes being shot down, etc. Knowing this kind of information when the love of your life, husband, best friend and father to your children is over there, it pains me to read that he is in the middle of all this.

Coming from a military family, I am pretty good at not thinking about "what could be" and just focus on the positive. I usually am able to block it all out, and not read what is going on.

Many years ago, now, I banned myself from reading such things, but it seems almost every TDY, I look up world news and sure enough, there is some article that gets my heart squeezed and I am on edge until he calls, emails or skype's me!

This morning is the same...I feel like I am on an adrenaline rush, heart racing, body tense and a sick to my stomach feeling. It also gets those gears rolling in my head...what will I do if he does get killed over there? I don't have a job, I have two kids?? I wouldn't want to go burden someone else or nor would I want to go live with anyone. When I think about it I have absolutely no clue...

I guess things would end up falling into place, hard decisions would have to be made and I would be one hell of a mess. Tears come to my eyes when I think I wouldn't have Joe in my life, my heart starts to break and I begin to feel lost.

I pray this NEVER becomes a reality...I just once again need to lock these thoughts down in my mind and throw away the key until I decide to take another peep at the news :(

P.S. Joe, you better call me soon!
P.S.S. He called :)